I am still not convinced that jogging is a good thing. After two weeks of pounding the pathways I think that it is plainly evident that the human body is not designed for running. Look at it from an evolutionary point of view. We are slow, ungainly, our flimsy joints cannot take the incessant strain. Animals designed for running (well, not designed, but apt) have four legs, not two.

And yet, against all the obvious empirical evidence, doctors insist that jogging is good for you as the human body was designed for such painful movement. Humbug. If the human body is apt for anything then it’s hanging around on street (tree/cave/riverbank) corners up to no good, or walking to the next watering hole (pub/disco/club) in search of a good old yap and an ensuing fist fight. It’s the same with swimming. Throw all other animals into a pond and they instinctively do the right thing – they swim to the side and get out. Do that with any untrained self-respecting human being and they will look at you with baleful eyes, shout abuse at you and sink.

But that’s what they can do, is shout abuse – very effectively, in a multitude of different forms, they can talk you into doing a multitude of things you never dreamed of doing. Like working for a living… And the other thing human beings were obviously designed to do is squatting around fires, waterholes etc. inventing things which they could then turn into weapons of mass destruction. Maybe an elephant never forgets, but a human being doesn’t just remember you, s/he always gets you back, either by talking you into submission, or lancing you with a poisonous arrow (or nuclear warhead – or whatever). But that’s where all this evolutionary engineering has gone, and not into jogging…

Which, of course, brings us back to jogging. Millions upon millions of middle class morons in the western world have obviously been duped into partaking in one of the most subtle weapons of mass destruction we have witnessed in the last decades. Whereas other less vicious cultures advocate yoga or tai chi for a long life, western corporations and their doctors have invented jogging to cut down on the costs of the over-expensive middle classes. And I like the lemming I am, have now joined them. My end is nigh.

not many at the moment, I no doubt sinned last night and am now paying for those sins…
Talking of sins, I read an article this morning about the Pope’s pronouncement some time age that condoms were not the solution to AIDS, but part of the problem, and it is only through a spiritual, human awakening that we can combat this disease. Okay, neglecting the obvious question as to who exactly needs to wake up here, and that such irresponsible claptrap should really not be allowed, I allowed myself the privilege of a little theology, albeit of an extremely speculative nature…

Now what gets the Pope’s goat is all this promiscuity outside of marriage, because it’s a bit sinful. So he says that should stop and that condoms only promote promiscuity, right? On top of that, condoms are a threat to life in as much as they are contraceptives, right?

But all these people rucking around in the throws of fornication don’t first put on a condom and then say let’s fuck around. In fact, most of them say a condom just gets in the way. A real passion killer, so to speak, which I thought the Pope would be into. No, they just want to get down to it, and enter a life of sin. Now, once you’re there – in a state of sin – it doesn’t mean that there’s not worse sins out there. Killing someone is worse than sinful sex (even if only slightly). Now infecting someone with HIV is pretty much a death sentence for that person, if you ask me. So isn’t it the Pope’s moral duty to save his flock from more mortal sin?

Looking at it from the Pope’s point of view you have to agree that the pro-condom position wins hands down –

1. it’s a passion killer, forcing people to think before they, well you know…

2. it saves the wearer from the mortal sin of killing someone else – which, in anyone’s book, must count as a good thing

3. its got the added bonus of saving all those little souls from being born outside of wedlock

4. and we haven’t even started going on about reducing the suffering of millions etc. etc.

So, who’s going to tell the Pope?

Today began with two paracetamol. Now I don’t know about you but when it comes to killing those heavy duty hangover pains, paracetamol does it for me. In fact, I managed to break my arm once, and, after the operation, I was subjected to hitherto unbeknown levels of pain. Now the hospital was very good and they did all they could to shut me up including two injections of opiate based pain killers. The thing is with these is that you still feel the pain but you’re not that bothered about it because you feel so good anyway. To my simple mind, however, that is an ineptly named pain killer. For me, a pain killer is something that makes the pain go away. After two days of different pain killing cocktails ala Mick, the nurse turned up with a paracetamol the size of a golf ball. “It’s the only thing we haven’t tried,” she said mistrustfully, peering into my glazed pupils, and proceeded to stuff it down my throat. After the agony of swallowing it and fifteen minutes wait – bliss, it really worked. As I said, paracetamol really does it for me, which brings me to my first sad thought of the day, that if Michael had stuck to a proper pain killer like paracetamol, which stops your pain without stopping you caring, then he’d probably still be with us today.

Which brings me to my second thought, which really just goes to show how effective the fucking media is, I too, am now obsessing about Michael.  I was just watching telly and saw congress actually standing in remembrance of Michael. Now don’t  get me wrong, I think Michael deserves all the reverence he gets, but we are talking about a person known for substance abuse, had questionable relationships with children – and no, we don’t want to go there – and is a pauper. These are all values which are not exactly highly revered in American society and yet here we see the pinnacle of American society revering just that. This I take to be empirical evidence of the ensuing insanity of American, and, dare I say it, Western society. Well, so be it.