Have I really been away that long? It seems like years to me, and I feel guilty that I didn’t sign off or say that I’ll be away, but I didn’t know it would go on this long…
I have been in a turmoil about how to carry on with my blog – apparently if I put stuff up it’s no longer eligible for submission in a lot of magazines, which is fair enough considering they only want to show things which haven’t been seen before. But then I found I lost my motivation to keep writing in the blog, and even worse, found I was writing less as I looked into that black hole waiting for people to answer – it takes months. I can even understand this, as magazines and competitions are deluged with submissions, but I am an impatient person and waiting hurts almost as much as rejection.
And then two things happened –
1. I thought fuck it! which is always a good sign, and decided to do what I want, which isn’t always so good, but so what, so I’ll just be a bit more selective about what I put up in the blog – i.e. not the stuff I’ll be submitting, which means it’s not the best stuff, but at least it’s something.
2. but this is really weird – I had a dream! That’s a good thing too, because it shows that I’m sleeping, but I dreamt that the fascists were marching through Germany and all my friends were yelling at me to publish this on my blog and this is the real reason why I’m blogging today, to make sure that my dream doesn’t come true (fat chance of that).
Now if people think I’m being alarmist, just look across the way to France and what’s happening to the Roma, or here in Germany, with all the talk of integrating foreigners, and whatever that might bring with it (questionnaires, language tests, deportation because you squashed an umlaut) and maybe you’ll see things differently.
It’s funny – only three months ago the banks were still the guilty party, but strangely they have faded into the background and calls for bonus taxes or regulation are as ever met with threats that the banks will move away. So, instead of calling this fairly obvious bluff governments are turning their attention to that age-old cause of all woes – the foreigner! So I might have been away a long time, but things haven’t really changed that much…
But this particular foreigner is determined to make a good time of it, and has been sashaying across the Mediterranean in a beautiful pea green boat – okay, a week in Majorca with a couple of days sailing – but it was great, and a stormy sea helped me write this sad little ditty: Little Girl Lost